I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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