I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
