In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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