i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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