I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
