i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
