Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
