The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
