I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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