He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
