is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
