my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
