I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
