I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
