ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
