k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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