she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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