He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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