i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
