Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
