I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
