I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
