if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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