someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
