Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
