I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
