I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
either way he was missing a nipple.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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