She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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