doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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