Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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