i barfeds in our rink
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
