i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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