end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
