Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
did i just pee glitter
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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