My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
