My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
