whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
