yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
