so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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