omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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