Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
