Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
