i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
