why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
