Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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