Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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