You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
