I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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