Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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