Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
