Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
